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These jokes are SOOOO bad. Can you imaging how bad the jokes were that I chose NOT to include here?
Punny Christmas Jokes
- What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense?
Wait, there's myrrh.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
- What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claus-trophobia.
- What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
Santa Pause.
- What do snowmen eat for desert?
Ice crispies.
- How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit?
Nurse them back to elf.
- What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop?
A rebel without a Claus!
- What do you call a reindeer ghost?
Cari-boo!
- What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown.
- Why are elves such great motivational speakers?
They have plenty of elf-confidence.
- What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers?
Truth or deer.
- What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle?
It must have reindeer.
- What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A Pony Sleigh Station.
- What is Santa's dog's name?
Santa Paws!
- Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee?
Star-bucks!
- What’s the absolute best Christmas present?
A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
- What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?
You get tinsel-itis.
- What do Santa's elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.
- What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph.
- What do grapes sing at Christmas?
'Tis the season to be jelly.
- What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
- What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A cookie sheet!
- Who is never hungry at Christmas?
The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
Santa Claus Jokes
- Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?
Jack Frost.
- How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance?
"Present"
- What's red and white and falls down chimneys?
Santa Klutz.
- How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm?
His sleigh is pulled by RAINdeer.
- What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip?
Crisp Pringles!
- Why does Santa go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
- How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas?
They use Santa-Tizer.
- How do you know when Santa’s around?
You can always sense his presents.
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!
- What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
Saint-nickel-less.
- What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”?
Santa walking backward!
- What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker.
- Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?
He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
- Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?
Elfish Presley.
Christmas Tree Jokes
- Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?
Wood-row Wilson.
- What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?
Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow…
- What did the Christmas tree do after its bank closed?
It started his own branch.
- How do Christmas trees get their email?
They log-on.
- Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?
It needed a root canal!
- What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm?
May the forest be with you!
- How do Christmas trees get ready for a night out?
They spruce up!
- What is a Christmas tree's favorite candy?
Orna-mints!
- Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
Because the present's beneath them.
- What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree?
Christmas chopping!
- What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you!
- What month does a Christmas tree hate the most?
Sep-timber!
Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dewey. Dewey who?
Dewey know how long it is until Santa gets here?
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Wayne. Wayne who?
A Wayne in a manger…
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Noah. Noah who?
Noah good Christmas joke?
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who?
Mary Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Chris. Chris who?
Christmas is here!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Olive. Olive who?
Olive Christmastime, don’t you?
- Knock, knock Who’s there? Honda. Honda who?
Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me…
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Dexter. Dexter who?
Dexter halls with boughs of holly…
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who?
I Santa Christmas card to you, did you get it?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present for Santa!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who?
Holly-days are here again!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Interrupting Santa.Inter–
Ho! Ho ! Ho! Merry Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Anna. Anna who?
Anna partridge in a pear tree.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Avery. Avery who?
Avery merry Christmas to you!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who?
Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Coal. Coal who?
Coal me if you hear Santa coming.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who?
Donut open til Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Justin. Justin who?
Justin time for Christmas cookies!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Gladys. Gladys who?
Gladys Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who?
Your Santa impression needs a little work!
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